THE CREATIVE SPOUSE MANUAL

Some spouses need to come with a set of instructions- particularly creatives. Here is a quick guide for anyone married to or cohabitating with a creative significant other.

Housekeeping:

If something in the house looks out of place, don’t move it, don’t complain about it. There is a reason it’s there. The possible reasons are:

1. The creative spouse was using it, then something came up so they had to pause, and they will get back to it. (When is another story, but they will definitely get back to it)

2. the spouse currently “can’t even”. This can happen for a number of reasons. Creativity can take a ton of energy. and its not like they even chose to spend the energy on the creativity, but the brain does what it wants to do. if you offer to put the thing away, they might take you up on it if they never realized it was there in the first place, but most likely the object is there for a combination of reasons, so they will likely say “no”.

3. the house is wrong. Did the creative move in with you? Or did you move in with the creative? If they were the one who was uprooted, they were forced to use your organizational system, which is like trying to put a square peg in a round tube. it may work if the peg is small enough, but most of the time you will just end up with empty tubes and a bunch of square pegs lying around. If there are things always living on counters or on the floor, it’s because in your dwelling, that is the most convenient place for these often used items. It might be worth offering to get some new shelves, or designating a chair to hold items like gently worn clothing.

if the house has gone for a long time without being spring cleaned, set aside a day or two to do just that with your creative spouse. Since creatives sometimes fear getting started on a project because they have a tendency to go overboard, they might imagine that a 30 minute job straightening up the bookshelf will turn into a multiply day overhaul of the entire house, because realistically, it probably will, so schedule some particular days for this to happen, and either help with the process by taking a couple rooms of your own, or by having soup at the ready and reminding them to eat.

Emotions:

Have you ever heard the phrase- they need to deal with it in their own way? It’s true. we don’t all deal with stress and trauma in the same way, and creatives have a tendency to become especially triggered and take on the emotions of others more than the average person. Allow them to use their art as a release. What can appear to be avoidance may in fact be the opposite, and while you might want to immediately have a conversation while the fire is hot, your creative spouse may need to channel their over-active emotions and imagination into an award winning scone recipe.

Lateness:

Forgive them for being late- so you made plans to visit your family on a certain day and to leave at a certain time, but every time this happens, your creative spouse is late. Realize that their lateness has nothing to do with disrespect or with your family. They simply get lost in their creativity and lose track of time. Help them by giving reminders of the time you plan to leave, then following up with countdowns: “30 minutes”, 15 minuets”, “5 minutes”, etc. If they are a theater person, they may respond with “thank you 5”. And while this joke may get old to you after awhile, realize it actually does help, as they are acknowledging that they heard you, and are present enough to repeat back the amount of time they have to get ready. Not to mention it places more importance on the event of leaving at a particular time. “The show must go on”, or in this case, “lets get this show on the road”. And last but not least, do not ever stand and stare at them while they are getting ready to leave. Appearing impatient means that they will definitely forget their wallet. Instead, make your self useful by turning off lights, warming up the car, or grabbing snacks for the road.

Thanks for reading!

Rebecca H. Lee

Audiobook Narrator