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I have often heard people say “I’m bad with names, but I never forget a face”. For me, the opposite is true. I have prosopagnosia, otherwise known as “face blindness”.
It’s hard to make friends in the real world when you can’t remember what someone looks like. When I was a teenager, people called me “stuck up” because I didn’t say hi to them when I saw them around at school. I don’t like going to parties out of the fear that I won’t recognize people if I can’t hear their voices over loud music. When I worked in hospitality, I sometimes got bad reviews from guests because they complained that I didn’t bother to learn their names. In actuality, I tried very hard, but trying in my case means I have to resort to things that may appear to others as stalkerish, like taking detailed notes on their appearance, vocal qualities, and mannerisms. Then I have to consult my notes when I see the person again to make sure everything matches. I have done this in the past with my acting students, and have even made flash cards to try to remember them. if I have a photo of them I can often imprint their face into my brain after enough repetition, but again, this just feels creepy.
I’m pretty good at identifying people I met throughout the day at one day events, where I only have to note their clothing. I can put a name to an outfit, which may be easy for me to label in my head. For example, green dress Gabby, or Jeans and Taylor Swift concert t-shirt Sarah. Fortunately I don’t go to many black tie affairs! If I have to recognize people on another occasion though, unless the person has distinct features, like blue hair, red glasses, or a giant lightning bolt shaped forehead scar, I’m out of luck.
The hardest part about having face blindness is the feeling that others may believe I just don’t care about them enough to remember them. This is far from the truth. I, like most people, want to make friends, and I value the connections I make with people. It’s just that when I see them the next time, wearing different clothing, they might as well be wearing a full costume, complete with a mask on their face. In order for me to appear “normal”, I have to pretend I know who they are until I hear them speaking long enough to recognize them by their voice- if their voice is distinctive enough for me to remember it.
Some people with prosopagnosia are effected more than others. I’ve heard of a child who couldn’t even recognize his own mother. (I only remember that happening to me on one occasion when I was very young). I can recognize people I know well, as long as I see them regularly. I think this is because I get to know their body shape and movements, as well as their voice, over time.
My boyfriend is the opposite of me. He has the superpower of being able to recognize everyone he meets, even many years later. One thing we do have in common is that like me, he has to keep his “condition” hidden in order to appear normal. If someone says “nice to meet you”, and he responds with “actually we met 8 years ago. You made my burrito at Chipotle”, they may be weirded out. The two of us together make a great team, at least as far as I’m concerned. When we go to family reunions, he can point to everyone discretely and say “that’s Sue, that’s Ben, and that’s Rick”. (And I’m talking about my own family reunions!)
Fortunately, prosopagnosia, although rarely mentioned by it’s clinical term, isn’t actually rare, and according to a Harvard study, may effect as many as 1 in 33 people. Yet although I’ve been familiar with the term for about five years now, I’ve only heard it mentioned once since I first learned about it from a podcast in 2019.
I even learned recently that a few famous people- Stephen Fry, Jane Goodall, and Steve Wozniak- have face blindness. Now that I know a bit more about it, including it’s fancy name, I’m more open to telling people I have it- especially my students, in the event that I have a live, ongoing class. To to be honest though, I would much rather teach a class online, where their name is written under their face.
Thanks for reading!
Rebecca H. Lee
Audiobook Narrator
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